Helen Carmichael

Monday 26.07.10

I've not blogged for a while and seem to have worried some people - sorry! I went down to London last Tuesday for a staff lunch at my work (which was very nice) and came back via my cousin at Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge. It was a very hot and muggy day and I don't know if I did too much (although I didn't do that much - Donald was chauffeur again), but I felt absolutely dreadful afterwards. My legs were like lead again and no energy whatsoever. Went back to taking long sleeps in the afternoons. By Thursday I decided with the hospital to have my blood checked again, but my haemoglobin levels were OK, so that wasn't the reason.

Gradually I've pulled myself out of it and was better over the weekend, but still not right. On Sunday I went for a very short walk in the woods. It was great to be out in the fresh air and actually walking again, but I could only manage a short one. Today I am still tired and achey, but better than I was last week. I guess it is just going to be a gradual process and I cannot make it happen faster than my body will allow. My Oncology Nurse Specialist keeps telling me that I've done really well throughout the whole treatment process, despite the hiccups like being rushed into hospitalat one point, and that I just have to accept that the cumulative effect of it all will take some time to recover from. Frustrating though!

The strange yellowing of my fingernails is gradually beginning to grow out, but it will be a good few weeks before they look more normal. The blotchiness on my neck area is fading, so that it good. At the moment I am off all medication, which feels good - at times it has been like swallowing a medicine chest each morning. But on 1st August I start the ongoing hormone treatment, which should help keep the risks of recurrence at bay. I stay on this for at least 5 years and also have to take calcium at the same time, because of the increased risk of osteoporosis.

Otherwise things are fine and we are looking forward to going on our hols next week. We are visiting people on the way to Holyhead, so will leave here early on the morning of 3/8 although our ferry is not until the afternoon of 5/8. So from 3/8 there will be no more updates for at least 3 weeks. I will try to do one more before we go, though.

Saturday 17.07.10

I seem to be trying to make sure I've completed the full range of side effects before I finish! Still feeling pretty low in energy with heavy leaden legs. My neck area has broken out in horrible red blotching and is itchy and sore. My finger nails make me look like I am a 50-60 a day smoker! And now all my toe nails have joined in the fun. A couple of days ago a patch on one of my thumb nails was distinctly black, but is now fading to purple - bleeding under the nail I assume.

The fuzz on my head keeps growing though and there are a few more hairs on the eyebrow line, which helps when trying to work out where to paint them on! If I don't put them on Donald can't work out my facial expressions sometimes, which is quite interesting. I hadn't realised that one's eyebrows, presumably moving up or down, contributed quite so much to how we interpet faces. Still no eyelashes back though - I hope they will return. My eyes are very watery and encrusted each morning because of having no lashes.

Anyway I'm now at day 11 of this last cycle so it must start to be uphill soon. I'm hoping to be well enough to go down to London for the day next week for lunch with my team but won't make a decision til Monday. The week after we are definitely going down for a couple of days for meetings and to take Sri and Duncan some furniture for their new flat that they are moving into that week. And the week after that we are off on holiday, which is feeling great.

Sunday 11.07.10

Very achey and lethargic over the weekend. I don't seem to do anything except move from a chair to a bed and then back again! I suppose it is to be expected and at least I am not going downhill into infection as far as I can tell. Donald has been giving me my daily injections and on Wednesday I start antiobiotics for a week, just to be sure I don't go down with any infection. I do not want to end up being taken back into hospital....

I guess that the weather hasn't helped much either as it has been very hot and muggy in the garden. I've been sitting in the shade, with suntan cream on and so far don't seem to be developing a rash or reaction, so fingers crossed, etc.

It feels a long drag but it won't really be long until I'm feeling a lot better - or so I keep trying to persuade myself. While you are down in it, it feels difficult to believe that the body will recover and energy levels will rise. But they have before, and this time I don't have to face the onslaught again.

Thursday 08.07.10

The final treatment was yesterday!! It seems ages waiting to say that. We were at the hospital for a long time, because I had to see the doctor before lunch, to make sure that I was OK to go ahead. We were then called in half an hour early for the actual treatment, which was unusual, but I then waited from about 1:40pm when they fitted the cannula, to about 3:10 for Pharmacy to get round to actually delivering the medication. It was just before 5 before we got out of there.

The doctor told me that I should feel about 90% of normal by early August, when we are going on holiday to Ireland, so I should be able to start building up my capacity for country walks again. However, she did say that it could take up to a year to feel 100% of my normal self, so I shall have to take that into account when building up at work.

I've had to go for emergency dental treatment this morning, because one of my top molars has disintegrated, don't know how much to do with my chemotherapy. I bit on a skate bone on Monday night, which is what was the immediate cause. He has done an emergency crown that will last a few months, and I'll have to go back for proper treatment in September when I am through all of this.

Side effects are not too bad yet. I felt rather sick last night, but medication helped. I'm on steroids from day before treatment to today and this stops you sleeping properly, so I didn't get much last night. But slept for about 2 hours this afternoon. In addition, the nerves in my lower half are very jumpy. It feels a bit like pins and needles, but a bit more painful. My fingernails and big toenails are still very yellow with blood collecting under them, but at the moment the soreness has worn off. The doctor explained that the nails lift up a bit, because the nail tips are not growing properly, and this is what causes both the yellowness and the bruising. She warned that it will get worse during this cycle and will take a few months to recover.

On the positive side, I am developing a fuzz on my head as this latter drug does not seem to have as bad effect on hair loss as the previous cocktail of drugs. However, I do have to paint on my eyebrows and hardly have any eyelashes, not even enough to put mascara on!

Will keep updating you on progress, depending on how I feel, but the positive thing is that this is it. No more chemotherapy treatment and by beginning of August I'll be taking the hormone treatment (aromatase inhibitor - explained before), which should keep threat of a recurrence at bay. It really feels good to be on the road to proper recovery and only a week to 10 days of side-effects to deal with (hopefully).

Monday 05.07.10

We have been down in London for the weekend, seeing my sister and family and also Sri and Sheena. Other than my finger nails, I have been feeling good this weekend - just in time for them to blast me for the last time!

We went to the British Museum on Saturday with the younger generation (Lola and her half-brother, Harvey) and had a great time. Lola and Harvey created a photograph of themselves superimposed on an object in the museum and both designed a coin each. Donald and I went to the Bronzes of Ife exhibition. This was a culture that flourished in Nigeria from the 12th to the 16th century and their bronze and copper statues are incredibly beautiful and intricate. I had visited Ife when I was living in Ibadan (nearby) in Nigeria in my teens, so I found it particularly interesting. Unfortunately the exhibition finished yesterday so I can't encourage any of you to go.

On Sunday we all met up at a pub near Hampstead Heath and had an excellent but rather expensive meal. Sri and Sheena joined us, but as ever Duncan got caught up in having to write up about the American spy ring, so was only able to come for a few minutes to pick Sri up. We went to the Heath and Lola rode around on her brand new bike that Donald and I, plus my 2 other sibs and families, had given her for her birthday - 7 next weekend. She did very well indeed and it is indeed rather an amazing bike, although chosen by her Dad, not us. Black, white and purple with gears, good suspension, etc etc. The one thing it was not allowed to be was pink - apparently she is now far too grown up for pink. Finding a non- pink girl's bike is actually more difficult than you think!

The only disappointment over the weekend was the tennis - but then we hadn't expected Andy Murray to get through to the final. But both finals being such walk-overs was a great pity.

For a little while the hospital seemed to think they would have to delay my last treatment because of staffing difficulties, but luckily I've heard today that it will be on Wednesday as originally scheduled. We didn't want it delayed as it means delaying full recovery as well. So it is blood test tomorrow and then treatment the next day and I have to take steroids for 3 days, starting tomorrow. BUT it is the last time.... This time in a month we will be going on holiday, which feels great. Really can see the end now, however bad it gets in the meantime.